The thoughts that keeps me awake at night
"Now that I have grown finer just like a wine, I have to face the realities and be confident, whatever it is, that keeps me awake at night."
When times I float, numb and empty like a true void sucked like a forcefield.
When the air is cold and the room is blue.
Whenever I lay in my bed, stare at the ceiling like there would be any difference.
I let myself wander, be a traveler in my own thoughts because in that place somebody understood me.
Realizations,
Is the first step of knowing yourself. The knowing path is difficult, dark, and scary. Like everybody hates you for growing up. No one understood you, but you know to yourself who you are. The Real you. That version of yourself that everybody doesn’t acknowledges. Hurts, right? Like the world is always against you, but to be able to love yourself—to know your worth is already an achievement.
You are heard.
Take it as a way that you are living inside a piece of bubble where you are the blue one and the rest is gray. And there’s another jar where everybody glows in blue—like you. To cross your border—is scary. But to live there all your life, just surviving and not living? Is scarier. What ifs starts shrouds your head, that’s good, Realizations.
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The mature person I am yesterday took on a whole different maturity now.
I have decided a lot of things, and those decisions weren't as hard as I thought I expected them to be. I just need to let go of my thoughts and pursue the dream that I have long planned for myself.
No one would help me if I don't push myself. I'll drown in a sea of uncertainties if I don't learn to float. The water that kept me safe for years is now teaching me to swim alone.
I'll be alone in that dark again if I don't use that spark of light that guided me years ago. Now that I have grown finer just like a wine, I have to face the realities and be confident, whatever it is, that keeps me awake at night.
Music: Genesis by Grimes